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Oct 31, 2011

Constructive Problem Solving

One of the most beautiful opportunities husband and wife have in their relationship is to become better from each others' influence. There are tons of good things that I have learned from my husband since we have been married. And he has learned some things from me too. We are supposed to be continually progressing and becoming better, becoming more like Christ.

Unfortunately, Satan recognizes what a powerful process this is for good, and attacks it. He plays on our potential for pride, anger, and resentment, and turns a necessary, beautiful part of progression into something that can damage and even destroy marriages. Most couples have a great challenge with this, including myself. It is the attitude of, "This is what you married, if you don't like it look somewhere else". That gets us into big trouble.

It is so easy to be offended or angry and give correction in a way that will separate you

Our Lord has called Satan “the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Nephi 11:29). The Savior told to the Nephites, “Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 11:30).
Our Father in heaven has provided us very specific ways of going about giving correction to ensure that it is helpful rather than harmful. My instructor has educated couples in counseling to use these steps given to us in the scriptures. It has worked wonders for both LDS members and those not of our faith. I was thrilled when this scripture was brought to our attention, and I plan to fully incorporate it into our relationship.

Doctrine and Covenants121:43,44
The whole Section is fantastic, and there is eternal wisdom in every verse, but my instructor chose these two. These outline the process of correction and they are misunderstood many times by those who read it.

43  Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
44  That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

 Now let me put this in words that are a little easier to understand

Correcting in the right season with (brain surgical precision), when impressed by the Holy Ghost, then show the person much more love, so he/she does not thing you are his enemy. 
That he/she may know that your love is stronger than the bands of death.

Lets recap: Don’t say anything unless moved on by the spirit(only the stuff that that the Lord would deem important); Correct only at the right time; Do it with much care and precision, not to offend in other ways (like a brain surgeon would treat the brain); Then show an increase in love so that they don't think that you are the enemy, and so they know that your love is stronger than the bands of death!

WOW! If I approached conflict or problems this way, how much more peaceful and love filled our home would be! I can definitely see where we would grow closer as a couple too.

I know that no matter who you are and where you come from, that if you use this for correction in your relationship, you and your honey will be SO much closer and happier! May the problems be great or small, use this method. It is given to us as a tender mercy from the Lord.

More Great Relationship Advice given to us by the Lord:
Ephesians Chapters 4-6    
Read WITH the Joseph Smith Translation, or else it will be misunderstood.

Oct 22, 2011

"Happily Ever After"

We have to love falling in love :). Prince Charming swoops his wife into his castle after the grand marriage day and they live "Happily Ever After". The question I have is, in all the fairy tales...they forgot to include the longest and most rewarding part of these lovers life. Why do we forget the part about the rest of the years they were married? The only show that follows the after marriage stage is "Shrek". It is not always easy and it takes hard work to maintain a long term relationship, but it is worth it. Over the next 60 or so years of my life that are left I am going to find out just how rewarding it is with my Nathan. What is the secret to love in a long term relatioship with one another? No one knows what truly is the secret, but Greek Philosophers and modern scientist  and our Heavenly Father give us a good glimpse into making "Happily Ever After."

4 ancient Greek words for types of Love:             

Eros -romantic Love        

Storge -parent to child love (the ability to love even if the person is ugly, angry, undesirable)    

Philia -brotherly love (Friendship)    

Agape -the capacity to charitably love anyone, despite their shortcomings.

At the beginning of relationships there is often a lot of Eros, and we have to be carefull that we do not only marry for these feelings, but take time as you are dating to cultivate friendship, charity, and the parent child love, because as you move on through life all of these loves should all equal out.

Remember that when we marry we should each be giving 100% to the relationship, and realize that if you keep score, that is the road to resentment and even more seairous issues like divorce. My husband always says that the 4 cancers to marriage are:

Comparing, Complaining, Contention, Critisizing.

You fight cancer with CHEMO. :)

Charity, Humility, Engaged(anxiously engaged), Motive(Fear or Duty or Love), Oneness

I promise that if you work hard in your relationships, follow the example of Christ and become aware of the difference in what the world thinks a relationship should be, and what REALY makes a marriage successful you will live and love "Happily Ever After"


Oct 15, 2011