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Oct 31, 2011

Constructive Problem Solving

One of the most beautiful opportunities husband and wife have in their relationship is to become better from each others' influence. There are tons of good things that I have learned from my husband since we have been married. And he has learned some things from me too. We are supposed to be continually progressing and becoming better, becoming more like Christ.

Unfortunately, Satan recognizes what a powerful process this is for good, and attacks it. He plays on our potential for pride, anger, and resentment, and turns a necessary, beautiful part of progression into something that can damage and even destroy marriages. Most couples have a great challenge with this, including myself. It is the attitude of, "This is what you married, if you don't like it look somewhere else". That gets us into big trouble.

It is so easy to be offended or angry and give correction in a way that will separate you

Our Lord has called Satan “the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Nephi 11:29). The Savior told to the Nephites, “Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 11:30).
Our Father in heaven has provided us very specific ways of going about giving correction to ensure that it is helpful rather than harmful. My instructor has educated couples in counseling to use these steps given to us in the scriptures. It has worked wonders for both LDS members and those not of our faith. I was thrilled when this scripture was brought to our attention, and I plan to fully incorporate it into our relationship.

Doctrine and Covenants121:43,44
The whole Section is fantastic, and there is eternal wisdom in every verse, but my instructor chose these two. These outline the process of correction and they are misunderstood many times by those who read it.

43  Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
44  That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

 Now let me put this in words that are a little easier to understand

Correcting in the right season with (brain surgical precision), when impressed by the Holy Ghost, then show the person much more love, so he/she does not thing you are his enemy. 
That he/she may know that your love is stronger than the bands of death.

Lets recap: Don’t say anything unless moved on by the spirit(only the stuff that that the Lord would deem important); Correct only at the right time; Do it with much care and precision, not to offend in other ways (like a brain surgeon would treat the brain); Then show an increase in love so that they don't think that you are the enemy, and so they know that your love is stronger than the bands of death!

WOW! If I approached conflict or problems this way, how much more peaceful and love filled our home would be! I can definitely see where we would grow closer as a couple too.

I know that no matter who you are and where you come from, that if you use this for correction in your relationship, you and your honey will be SO much closer and happier! May the problems be great or small, use this method. It is given to us as a tender mercy from the Lord.

More Great Relationship Advice given to us by the Lord:
Ephesians Chapters 4-6    
Read WITH the Joseph Smith Translation, or else it will be misunderstood.

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