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Nov 26, 2011

The Holidays and Family Visits: Your Spouse Comes First

In light of Thanksgiving, and other holidays coming up, I just want to remind everyone of some important things that we forget when dealing with extended family. I know it can be hard this time of year with the in-laws, or perhaps your own family that is demanding, there is one thing that I benefited from knowing

In giving this post, I want to remind all spouses that when it comes down to the brass tax, not all extended family thinks realistically when it comes to visits during the Holiday season. We need to moderate family and put our spouse's needs first.

When my husband and I first were married, I was the first child to leave the house. Ever since that day, my parents and siblings have been pining about my "premature death" from the family and other extremes. Any chance they get, I am heavily encouraged to go and see them when I have a second, and if my life gets busy for a couple of months, they have a very difficult time accepting that I really did have a busy life and yes I was prioritizing, and for a few months they were not top on the list. Instead, the well being of my "New Family" myself and my husband was at the top of the list.

I made the mistake the first year of our marriage during the Holidays and tried to visit both families for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Nightmare. Nathan got gypped in the end, because I was worried about pleasing my family. Worry more about pleasing your "own" family unit, because he/she is the one you want to treat with respect and will spend the rest of your life with(or the rest of eternity for that matter).

This year we put our foot down. His and my needs were mediated with each other, and instead of trying to please my parents by spending a lot of time on both holidays, we spent Thanksgiving at his parents and will be spending Christmas with mine. Next year we will switch for good measure.

Please think of your spouse first when going out for the holidays. You may even have to be the spouse that speaks up for yourself and makes the family visiting not so lopsided. All in all, each situation is different, but consider your spouses feelings, and your future feelings toward each other first, when planning family visits this Holiday Season.

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