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Jan 1, 2015

Husband Top 5 Relationship Needs


These 5 needs are mentioned in the book Then Comes Marriage, written by Mark D. Ogletree PHD, and Douglas E. Brinley PHD. A fabulous read!

Do you feel that you would like to have more life in your relationship Ladies? This is especialy for him... If you want more bonding, more love, more friendship, more fire... the list can go on. Take a look at some of these tips....

Bringing these about in your relationship will be the most rewarding if you focus on what makes him happy, not what you can get out of it. Its pretty wild how that works. :)


1. Sexual Fulfillment

The purpose of sex is to bring you closer to each other. It will deepen and brighten your love. It is also a very important part of one of the 3 key components of healthy relationships, which are: commitment, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy.

Many men seem to have a 24 hour a day sex drive. Its not complicated. But it is important for them to have healthy intimacy with their mate. We women sometimes find annoyance with their seemingly constant need and can easily shove this great bonding tool into the background. We get busy with life. Add kids into the mixture and it gets even harder to make time for this activity! Don't let these bumps in the road distract you from what is most important. The two of you's relationship first, then the other stuff. ;) That does not mean all day sex! Just make sure you have a plan that works for the 2 of you to have this special time together regularly.

Why this is so important? Sometimes it helps to point out a little research regarding relationships:

For women it can be unpredictable what will turn us on. While women often feel emotionally close to their spouse first and then want intimacy, it is usually the reverse for men. They feel more emotionally connected to their spouse during and after intimacy.

Make it beautiful with Him in mind and it will pay wonderful relationship dividends for both of you. 

2. Recreational Companionship

Nothing would please your husband more than a couple of hours of one on one time doing something he loves. Perhaps doing some yard work during the day, visiting a restaurant he finds intriguing and then some relaxing fishing in the evening. I know it may not be your favorite thing, but as you show genuine interest, and learn...watch him open up and get excited. It is so awesome to see...

Believe it or not, one of the reasons he found you a great prospective mate in the first place is that you two went out and did this stuff together while you were dating. Keep Dating.

If you both seem to not share many interests, Learn something new together! Combine some of your interests! For my husband and I: Outdoors + Gourmet Cooking = Huckleberry picking. WIN. WIN.  Speaking from experience, this is SO rewarding.


3. An Attractive Spouse

But I am fat! I don't look like (Insert movie star here). We don't have money for fashionable clothes. I don't have time because of...

STOP

couple, happy, kiss, love, married - inspiring picture on Favim.comThose things are NOT as important as we make them. Those thoughts make us grouchy, and keep us from being our best self. 

Having babies, aging, and other inevitable life occurrences happen. What is important is that you do the best you can with what you have.
Types of beauty that exist: Inward and Outward

Work on both in tandem. You made yourself look pretty when you were dating.... Again. When you were dating. Remember dating? Keep doing it. :)

Spend some time working on your positive traits,  perhaps good things you can offer the world. Work on your spiritual and mental beauty. What does that mean for you?

Again, do the best with what you have. You will find it boosts how you feel about you, too. ;)

4. Domestic Support-
We women have a TON of pressure put on us by pop culture. The ideal woman: CEO of her own company, scales the biggest mountains like child's play, looks like a movie star, has beautiful successful children, is a fabulous wife. The Perfect, Perfect, Perfect in everything. Wow, and we find another STOP is in order!

Ladies we cannot be ALL of these things. When we compare ourselves to these ideals, we feel...frankly successful at nothing. Be the successful CoCEO of your home first. Work on your skills as a mother and wife in your Home. If you are single, help others work on these skills. It takes a village to raise a family. These first roles have been the most important from the beginning.

In the beginning... (Before microwaves and Smart Phones) man and woman worked together to make their families happen. Man assumed the role of provider, protector. Woman took those provisions and made them work. She made clothing, food, helped with shelter and loved her family children.(Not because she was oppressed into it, but because it just made the most sense, and following other pursuits resulted in death of those she loved.(Starvation, exposure) It was a lot of work just to stay alive. Basic living took so much time and skill. The most important things were life, family, and friends. Those things stayed most important for the most part. Simply, if those things fell out of view, life failed. Society distracts us from these basic needs, and is succeeding in many ways. We think we need to focus elsewhere, because that is the messages we are getting from popular media, and even some of our friends.
Work on your skills as a mother and wife. They have been the most important from the beginning. These good things will naturally lift and brighten all that you do. Skills as a wife, and mother will have a bigger positive impact on the world than anything else you do. Refresh yourself by working on the spiritual, mental you. Clean your mind of short term thoughts and goals that seem appealing, and fill it with beautiful, lasting things that start in the home. I believe we can ladies. :)

5. Admiration-
synonyms:respect, appreciation, (high) regard, esteem, veneration; More
commendation, acclaim, applause, praise, compliments, tributes, accolades, plaudits
antonyms:scorn

Gratitude for your spouse, may be a good way to explain it. This can be easy to in ways that we can see they are doing well, but what about those ways that they are not? Start with what you can see that you are pleased with. If you are having a hard time finding them, start the list in your own mind. Then, point them out and let them know with words, actions, notes, and especially time with, and for them. Do we have a perfect spouse? No. Yes your spouse is responsible for himself, but we have surprising positive effects on those around us at times. Remember we are all growing, and are at different stages of growth. There are always positive effects from watering, nurturing, and giving your precious husband plant plenty of sunshine. Point out the good things you see and watch those good things you don't see, but want to see begin to creep in.



*Disclaimer: Not all spouses are created equal. Male specimens are subject to individual preferences and needs.